We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. - 2 Corinthians 4:8-11
In an earlier post back in June, I talked about how I learned to trust God's timing more because most of the times, it does not take decades to find out that God's right, so that whenever I suffer yet do not see a reason, I could at least find the comfort that five years later, I shall see His purpose clearly and be grateful for what He did today.
Shortly after that, I have learned a brand new lesson on suffering by reading Elisabeth Elliot's book: A Path Through Suffering. So this is just some follow-up thoughts on the topic of suffering...
Before reading this book, I think of suffering mainly because of two reasons, 1) our sins (so suffering serves as a punishment so we will repent); 2) a bigger future reward (like how both Joseph and Job got ten times back later for what they have suffered). So if I feel I am suffering from something, and I can tell it is not because I have sinned earlier in this field, then I ultimately expect rewards to come later. A good example would again be suffering. I truly relate to it when Joseph said "God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering". The town in the middle of nowhere that God had put me in is "a land of suffering" to me. Even though I have found precious friendship and fellowship here - I still ultimately look for something that would prove that this is a BETTER plan than allowing me to stay in the city I am comfortable with and serve in my home church. In fact, you can see this from my earlier post - I said that hopefully in three more years, I would be able to look back and see why this is a better plan.
Reading Elisabeth's book has changed this idea completely. Elisabeth actually wrote this book because most people also only see these two main reasons for suffering. Yet there are sufferings not explained by these two reasons - mostly, the death of little children and our beloved ones in their prime ages. No later reward would ever make up for that! So in her book, she used a metaphor of a flower's year, from blooming to withering, and how sad it is for the last petal to fall - yet only after that can the fruit start, and all the way until the fruit turns into seeds, so the life of that flower can spread into thousands of lives in the next year. She gave more reasons for suffering - on a daily base, we "suffer" from tiny things, as our chances to die to ourselves a little bit at a time, so that we could become more and more like Christ. Then ultimately, in the last chapter, she talked about Christ's suffering on the cross - not because of his sin or for a bigger reward later (considering who He already is and already has), yet purely because of God's will, and purely to benefit (give life to) thousands of others.
Sometimes the greatest sufferings God has called us to go through has no future rewards on earth (I know we will have the rewards in heaven but I also always think of Mark 10:29 and expect both ten times rewards on earth and in heaven), yet its "rewards" is the thousands of lives sprang from it.
Correspondingly, we may ask, "How do I find God when I am really in need?" When we feel that we are going through sufferings that have no reward on earth, except for the lives we spread force, then we really feel like we need God. Even though He has promised that He will never leave us or forsake us, we still feel that it is very important for us to FEEL that He is with us in our suffering. I used to argue with Susan that "Why would God love me in a way that I cannot understand?! If He wants to love me, love me in a 'love language' that I speak!" I often gave the example that my love language is gifting, while "word of affirmation" does not work at all; especially the "Oh you look gorgeous/hot!" line, to which I always responded: "I know. Can you say something I don't know?" Yet times we really need to feel God's presence are usually the times we cannot find His presence. Is there a secret 911 to dial?
From another great book by Ruth Graham (Billy Graham's daughter) called "Fear Not Tomorrow, For God is Already There", I learned a new (and I would almost call it "cheating") way of dealing with the times when we don't feel God's presence. In one chapter, Ruth talked about how there are times we most needed to feel God's presence, yet we cannot seem to feel it. So I was kind of expecting her to talk about ways to find God's presence in such times, because we all know that He is always with us. Yet she went on to say, those are the exact times we are challenged to choose whether we will believe in God's words no matter how we feel! He said He's always with us, do we believe that? We cannot really talk about believing something or have faith in something if we already see it - if we can feel His presence all the time, then we do not ever need to "trust" that. That's why I called it "almost a cheating way". It did not offer a solution in our extreme difficulties (the usual times we feel we really need God's presence and encouragement, yet cannot seem to find Him anywhere nearby), yet it challenged us to truly trust in God's words and promises even in such extreme difficulties.
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