Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” - 2 Corinthians 12: 7-9
If I were sick, I would pray for healing and health; if I were financially broke, I would pray for money and provision; and if someone broke my heart, I would pray for love and comfort from others. It all sounds like what we should do anyway, until yesterday when we did a word study on "grace" and looked at a few verses from the Bible that talks about God's grace.
At the end we had a profound question: some verses talk about grace being given to everyone, even before we were born (for example, 2 Tim 1:9); but some other verses talk about God giving more grace to some than others (for example, James 4:6) - how is that not conflicting each other?
I see it as God pouring down grace on all of us, but depending on what container we are holding to receive the grace, some end up having more than some other. Just like someone who puts a bucket out when it's raining will collect more rain than someone else who puts a small bowl out there. If we are more humble and really see our need for God's grace, then we are going to turn to it and hold onto it more. As a result, we experience more grace.
But do we always turn to God for grace first? Not necessarily. It is our human nature to first ask for the "easy way"; so if there is a thorn in my flesh, I would first pray that God would take it away. We do the same for physical problems (health issues, exhausting work, impossible deadlines), financial problems (not enough money to buy whatever we think we are entitled to, debts from unexpected accidents), emotional problems ("I really want to have a husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend NOW", "my parents/boss/coworkers are not being nice to me"), and sometimes even spiritual problems ("please make my pastor/home group leader more humble", "please impress on so-and-so's heart to make every effort to keep the unity of spirit through bond of peace with me"). We want God to change the circumstances and change others, so that we would have the easy end. What we probably do not realize is, as we trade God's grace for our comfort, we are like those who hold up a tiny bowl when God's showing down His grace on us.
Some might argue: "Why isn't comfort as good as grace anyway?! It solves the immediate problem, and I'm not in agony anymore. That works for me!" So what is the initial purpose when God put that thorn in Paul's flesh? "Therefore, in order to keep me from being conceited..." The whole purpose of the troubles and sufferings God permitted in our lives is to keep us from being arrogant and forget about Him (or to remind us to get our biggest containers out when He showers down His grace). We do not argue that if we could have everything the way we want, we would soon forget God and consider ourselves gods. But isn't it the same when we pray for comfort rather than grace and expect God to fulfill that according to our own timing?
The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective (James 5:16). However, sometimes we thought we were praying for a completely righteous thing, and we have a group of righteous people praying for us about the same thing, yet God seems to have ignore all the prayers. That is when we will need to double check and make sure: are we praying for God's grace in this matter, or are we praying for an easy way out of this matter?
You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. - James 4: 2-3
Sometimes we think we are asking for the right things for God's glory, but indeed they ultimately serve as a comfort or easy way for ourselves. I know I have prayed for long that God would allow me to stay in the big city I like and with my home church that I truly love. I had the whole church praying for me too (just in case I was not righteous enough at that time). Above all I had a perfect reason - I could serve best in a church I am familiar with, and thus bring the most glory to God. Yet God never answered this prayer, at least not in the way I proposed. I came to live in the middle of nowhere. I spent my first year struggling to find a church that I could commit to. Then I spent my second year struggling to get into this church, to become a part of their lives. Now as I start my third year here, I looked back and realized - it is never my job to decide or evaluate or even to know where I could serve the Lord best. It should be His call what He wants me to do if I am serving Him. My so called "righteous prayer" boils down to the fact that staying in that city is easy and comfortable for ME. There is plenty of place to shop. I know everyone in the church already. I have a great network of friends and support already. It is a place where I could easily forget about God's grace, because I would not need it because it is already comfortable and easy enough for me.
Yet God knows that we are forgetful people. If we have all we need for a while, we will walk away from Him quickly. So He puts different thorns in each one of us, to remind us that we need His grace daily, so that we could have a ready and obedient heart to accept His grace as it showers down on us. We only learn the true meaning of grace when we have experienced its power, and we only experience the power of grace when we had nothing but grace.
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