Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"And I said, "Here am I. Send me!" - Isaiah 6:8
This was my first time attending Faith Walkers. Many people had given the testimonies that Faith Walkers had changed their lives, but I wasn't quite expecting such a dramatic effect on me, since I have already been saved more than four years ago. Nevertheless, it still changed my life, much more dramatically than I would have ever expected...
A little background - I have moved away from my home church about one and a half years ago, and started attending a small church in the new place I now live in. It didn't take me too long to get the feeling that this new church has not increased much in size since I joined about a year ago, partly because most members are not very outreach focused. Admittedly, we get busier and busier as we get older; but if we always puts our own "to-do" lists ahead of God's to-do list for us, we will never get to finish our own list, let along to start God's list. Eventually I have felt comfortable enough to bring up this concern to a pastor's wife. She explained that we used to have a full time outreach coordinator who had left a few years ago, and the church leaders have been praying for someone else to fill this position but so far without much success. So I volunteered to help as much as I can (of course I am still a full time student). She passed this idea to our pastors, and they decided to talk to me about the details during Faith Walkers 2010.
Then faithwalker started right after Christmas. Herschel Martindale's talk really changed my life - he was talking about how God "complained" to Isaiah that there's no one He can send, and Isaiah responded, "Here I am, send me!" (Isaiah 6:8) Then Herschel challenged us, "Are you willing to be sent?" I remember how I used to be proud of being a "chicken" - I'd never go talk to someone directly about salvation; instead, I enjoyed starting a conversation, and then "transfer the potential client" to Ross or Susan, or simply sit behind them and rejoice when they've talked someone into receiving Christ. I actually never felt bad about being a chicken - think about Moses, when God called him, he was being a chicken too! So if Moses can be a chicken, why can't I? And why shouldn't I?! But after that seminar, I was truly challenged, if I trust that God has the best plan for me and will always protect me and be with me, then why can't I say "Here I am, send me!"?
The next day I had lunch with the two pastors from my church as schedule before Faith Walker. However, their idea of how I can serve as a "part time coordinator" is completely different from what I had in mind (someone serving in the background)! They said, "Look, our church is so small that we don't even have enough college student to start a bible study or home group, so we'd like to send you on campus and talk to people purposefully, become their friend and invite them to church, etc. Are you willing to be sent?" I could not be more surprised at that time!!! All I can think of and said immediately was, "I know if you've asked me this two days ago, I could tell you immediately, NO! I'm not going to go unless there's a whole team, where I don't need to be the first or the last, but can kind of hide in the middle!" But I was just challenged to follow Isaiah's example. Someone else also shared before that when he was called, multiple times, he never felt qualified or even prepared, but he was always obedient and willing - the result? He has built multiple churches in US and oversea! So I said, "I am not qualified nor prepared, I don't even know where to go or what to do! But I am willing. If this is God's calling for me, then yes Lord, here I am, send me!" Then the two pastors told me they would be praying for me at the specific time each week when I commit to go out and do this on campus, so I'll know not only God is with me, but the church is behind me as well.
This is a major incident, and I could not wait to share the story with my old friends from my home church. At first when I told Barbara and Marion about what happened during that lunch, I was still feeling pretty excited. But very soon (when my brain finally started catching up with my heart!) excitement turned more and more into doubt. By the time I told Berk (the third person), I started the story with, "Berk, I did something big today. But I'm not sure whether it's gonna be the stupidest thing I ever got myself into!" And that night, I couldn't sleep. I even doubted for a second, was that God's calling or Satan's?! But that thought soon went away because Satan doesn't usually call people to share the gospel on campus. Still that doesn't mean I didn't do a stupid thing to my life! I can clearly see that this Faith Walker has changed my life, but for better or worse? I still don't know.
Then the next morning, Leslie and I were ready to checkout and leave. It was the last day of Faith Walker 2010. I told her I'd get us two cups of coffee (since I couldn't sleep the night before), then jump into the car. But while I was getting my coffee, another hotel guest started a conversation with me. He came all the way from Michigan to a friend's funeral. A voice was telling me, "Hey, this is a good chance to talk about what happens after the funeral!" But soon I started doing what I usually did - "Oh come on Father, I'm so tired and grumpy, Leslie's waiting for me to leave, we're going to be late for Faith Walker, and this guy probably won't be interested anyway, ..." I wish I could call Susan and Ross for "backup" (as I had always done before this day), since they're only a mile down the road - but my cellphone battery had died the day before. Then I remembered Isaiah 6:8 again, so I said, "Lord, you know I can give you a hundred excuses, you know I am not qualified since I have never got someone saved (although I have watched Susan and Ross do it many many times), you know I am not prepared and I actually don't know what to say, but yes Lord, if it is your call, here I am, send me! But just remember, you gotta make this guy start another conversation with me again, because we've finished the where from part and sat at different tables, and you gotta put words in my mouth because I have no idea what to say!" Sure enough, a few seconds after this prayer, the Lord send this guy Jerry to start another conversation with me. Later Leslie also joined in (when she came to find out why my two cups of coffee had taken so long) and shared her testimony. Half an hour later, Jerry accepted Christ. I could not express my excitement - this is the first total stranger that I talked into accepting Christ!!! I had never pictured myself chatting up a stranger into the kingdom of God, in a snow covered village in the middle of nowhere! Then I was not as afraid about what I'm called to do on campus anymore - oh well, this probably isn't going to be the stupidest mistake in my life, although I still don't know whether my life has been changed for better or worse.
In the following semester, I had committed an hour each Tuesday to share the gospel on campus. Was it hard/scary? Extremely. But I have hence grown "shameless". Now I can knock on a stranger's door or pop the question ("Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your savior?") with a big smile on my face, even if the previous person just shut the door in front of my face. Many times I had felt a variety of doubts, "Is this going to be fruitful at all? If it is not fruit and not bringing glory to God, why keep spending effort in vain? Etc..." But I have been encouraged by a reminder from one of Elisabeth Elliot's books: "If the devil bothers to tempt you, that means what you are doing is bring glory to the Lord! Or else why would he bother with you?!"
As of Aug 10th, 2011, we have gotten a full time campus/student minister!!! God has answered our prayers in the most amazing way, because He is always faithful.
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